"What HAVE you done?"

So with my tales of almost love, you’d think I’ve never had the guts to do anything remotely physical with a guy and that I wear hooded sweatshirts with those elastic pants everywhere I go. That I never asked a guy out or told a guy I liked him.

As I have mentioned before, there are moments in me where I do things I never thought I would’ve done. Things that when I look back on specific moments, I still can’t believe I did it.  But I have asked a guy out but called it “hanging out.” Unfortunately for me, I didn’t know that “hanging out” meant “date.”  I was shot down but I believe it was because the guy was in actuality a jerk who I doubt is even human or even a man.

I have also asked for a guy’s number. Still don’t know how I achieved this. I remember talking about Indiana Jones with him, then saying I wanted to tell him something but I couldn’t tell it to his face so he turned around. I told him I liked him and he gave me his number. As I walked away, I remember wanting to rip it up like in the 1996 film “Swingers” where Vince Vaughn’s character gets a number from this girl and tears it up proving to his friends that he got it. I felt that the action of ripping it up was like a “yeah, I did it negative conscience!”  but I didn’t. After making an excuse to see a movie, I figured he was nice but he killed his grandmother too many times when I emailed him to hang out, that I gave up.  I saw him again at a shopping centre, among a crowd of people and he saw me, but thankfully the throng of people was a perfect getaway. Hopefully I was a reminder of what he had done. It’s best to just say it plainly, “no thank you but I’m flattered.”

I wrote about *Mork* in “Hold My Hand please” on how he was the first guy to hold my hand. I remember hugging him a lot and he was the first guy I gave a massage (just his shoulders) and I sort of kind of had a date with him. I remember watching a film weeks ago called “An Unmarried Woman.” It was from 1978 and the film consisted of a woman and her reaction to getting a divorce after her husband tells her he’s in love with someone else. She goes through the dating game and has lunch with a guy her friend set her up with. There’s a scene where she and the guy are talking and she saying it wasn’t a date and he saying, “If the guy buys you lunch or dinner, it’s a date.” So then I thought, I guess I had a date that time years ago with *Mork*. I remember us talking and going to the cafeteria, him telling me to choose anything, I getting a cheeseburger and soda, and him getting a salad and paying for it with an AMEX card. Then I remember him wanting to see me take a bite out of the cheeseburger. That was weird typing that but since I liked him, I am going to write that off as a date.

As for the rest of the things I did, I’ve asked a guy to kiss him (didn’t happen for religious reasons (laugh), I’ve sat on a guy’s lap which was very uncomfortable, and I’ve hugged numerous musicians from the United Kingdom and the U.S. Listing all my “accomplishments” or “mid-failures” as I like to call them, sometimes I think I’m writing about a clone that looks exactly like me but is outgoing and fearless.  So yeah, I have gone to where many women have gone before, but I always get an abnormal result, or non result.