Hold My Hand Please

Sometimes I find myself saddened that I haven’t had my first kiss never have been a valentine to someone or had a prom date. For Hope Lesh, these experiences are always skewed. I’ve never had a first kiss before but I’m sure the average girl probably had it at summer camp, during the junior high school dance, nope not me. Legend has it that the first time I kissed a boy, he bit my lip so hard that I ended up crying and running for the teacher. I have no recollection of this but my mother tells me I was four or five years old. I shudder to think what’s gonna happen when I really get kissed….in 2056 or when I lose my virginity in 2070. But a notch that I have accomplished in the romance world albeit miniscule and insignificant unless you were 12 was that I have held hands with a guy. I forced him into it but that still counts right? I and my friend, which we shall call *Mork* were new editors at our university newspaper, we were ready to give out assignments. I was very excited to finally give out orders instead of being one of two writers who wrote the entire paper. I had a crush on *Mork* and for reasons I will not disclose right now (maybe in another entry), we couldn’t really pursue anything but I always wanted to rebel against timeless traditions so I always tried things with him.  Introductions of editors were starting and I basically feigned nervousness and asked him to hold my hand to calm me down. I can still remember that he was hesitant to hold my hand but he did it anyway. Hesitant because of what kept us apart or hesitant that he was indulging in a forbidden fantasy he should not indulge in? I like to think the latter but I’m probably wrong. I am still astounded that a shy girl like me can do things like that. It’s like an out of body experience. Did I really give *Mork* a neck massage when we had nothing to do? Yes, I remember but where the hell was shy Hope when this was happening? Did I feel anything at this hand holding? Not really, I felt kind of numb and nothingness. Did the Beatles’ famous pop song “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” help? A little.  Every time I hear it, I do think of *Mork*.  Now I wonder if I was able to trick someone into holding my hand, how am I going to trick someone to kiss me? I’m no Selina Kyle so I’m projecting first kiss in…..yeah…….2056.